Ayah is prolly the best Dad anyone can ask for. He was my role model and WHENEVER there was something that I dont know, I can always ask him. And he will always come up with the correct answer. Imagine, people coming up to you..and say, “Suraya, you father is a very good man”. I bangga sangat.
Once when I was in secondary school, we had to draw out a map. I memang buta seni and it took me forever nak lukis. Ayah then taught me how to scale the map and draw according to the scale. And the other time in uni when I had to give a talk on “Dasar Ekonomi Baru”, all I had to do was give him a call and copied out all his points.
He was the toolman, the gardener and the housekeeper. Pipe rosak, ayah fix. Kerusi patah pun ayah fix. There was one time when I bought a DIY study table and gave up after 3 hours of trying to assemble. Ayah buat tak sampai 15 minit.
Sensible would be his middle name. From kecik kita tak pernah lavish, but he would spend money on books and educational items. I remembered when he bought the encyclopedia set for thousands of ringgit, we all thought that was just crazy. Turns out that encyclopedia serves us well over the years.
Because of him, I learnt many things. From piano lessons, to computer to sewing to tennis to swimming. Amazing. I owe it all to him. Imagine having a rock that you can always count on. When I wanted to bail out from my supposedly ‘scholarship’ agreement, he just write up a check the next day. Tak tanya banyak. Tak tanya pun macamana I nak bayar dia balik. (Tapi i dah bayar balik ok).
So one day, when he just changed, it was really a hard slap on my face. He became withdrawn, quiet, lazy, sad, sensitive and he doesnt even go out from the house. Imagine, having your solid rock for 27 years of your life..and one day it just disappeared.
The first year that he changed, I didn’t take it too well. Selalu sangat marah dia. I just couldn’t understand. Like why cant he just go out and buy food for himself. And why can’t he drive my mom around. Why cant he make decisions for us anymore. WHY WHY WHY! And i just blamed him for everything. The house was a mess, the garden flowers were dying and he even stopped going to the mosque.
But there was this one particular night that I shouted at him while I was in my confinement….that made me feel really bad..So I went up to him and said sorry and he hugged me back and say its okay….he knows I didn’t mean it….and thats when I realized, he really was having problems. And it is really something that he cant control.
We werent quite sure why he changed. My mom of course kata black magic. Hehe. But medically we think its a sign of andropause. And a lot of people are saying its due to ageing and prolonged use of heart medication. I keep forgetting that he is already 69 years old. But now when I see my patients yang baya my dad, I count my blessing. Cos Ayah certainly looked a whole lot better than them.
And slowly I began adjusting. All I can tell myself is, he has been there for us all this time. So now it is our time to give back to him. Part of the reason why I quit my job. And alhamdullillah, now he is better..still not the same like last time, but he’s still my rock.
Happy Fathers Day Ayah. I miss the old you. But its okay 🙂